.jpg "Gaget at Tignay")
They might know you for being the reliable person in class. You hear compliments like hardworking, mature beyond your years, or simply, someone they can count on.
These are flattering and so you smile. You say “thank you" because of course it fills the heart with joy. However, something just don't seem okay, and over time, it begins to feel undeniably like something is off.
It may not feel like a burden. But it isn't considered a gift, either. You wonder if it is your effort that they see, or maybe just the results you've done. You tend to ask yourself if they know you’re tired, or just always expect you to deliver great outcomes. Or probably, you think whether they like you, or just the version of you that keeps saying yes.
Slowly, you realize that being dependable always comes at a cost. This is one thing they don't warn you about, yet it's also one thing you still pay anyway.
Here are 5 of those hidden costs that no one talks about in the room, but you feel them. It's just that you probably do not recognize them until now.
{tocify} $title={Table of Contents}
1. You do more while others stop trying
Given your passion and known commitment, you always want more even when no one is watching. You're doing it not because you want to impress others, but because of self-praise for doing better each time.
Now, when it comes to group activities, you’re the one who's being picked as they know you're the person who does it better. They stop trying. They step back. They then feed you with many affirmations and flattering praise.
- “You’re so organized.”
- “You always take the lead and achieve great results.”
- “You can handle it. We'll support you.”
Suddenly, you realized that the group work is no longer every member's task. It becomes yours alone, and now, it has become your quiet resentment.
2. Your success becomes an expectation instead of celebration
You scored well in a quiz again? Of course you did. No longer surprising as they expect you to be on top always. No high-fives as well because it's just a normal thing for you.
You did it because you reviewed well prior to taking the quiz and this is what others should be doing anyway, yet you still feel something off as others didn't seem interested anymore.
It's not the case though when they need something from you, more so when you start slipping. They would notice you immediately. The silence feels different as if they are painting disappointment in their faces.
It's like as if something you’ve ruined, something unusual, and something they care about more.
You may also like to read: 5 subtle phrases students say when they're emotionally checked out (but still pretending to care)
3. You rarely get checked on because you seem fine in their eyes
They are nosy about the loud ones, especially the failing or messy ones. But how about you? Well, since you’re the stable one and you have a calm presence, to them you're as if a statue. You are the student who always gets it done and that's why they look up to you only when they need you.
They don’t ask how you’re doing in an ordinary day because you still smile. Despite being unnoticed, you'd still continue helping them, feeding their ego, and unknowingly, your smile starts to feel like a mask of resentment.
4. You’re acknowledged for being quiet about your struggles, not for surviving them
You don’t complain and they never see you break down in public. You don’t miss deadlines either. You're drowning yet you still show up with a bright smile and positive aura.
They call it strength. But to you, maybe it’s just another silence. You fear of not being helpful. It slowly drains you but you keep on getting away with it anyway, and so they praise you for not struggling. Little did they know, you're barely keeping it through. Maybe, it’s not pride, but another silent survival.
5. You're the one who feels guilty for setting boundaries
You finally had the courage to say no. However, it feels like betrayal even when it shouldn't. It felt as if you’ve let someone down, or worse, it's like you’ve breached a contract you didn’t even know you signed.
Being dependable wasn’t just a trait. It was deeply resonated to your identity. Now, no matter how you don't want to feel it, you feel scared of what’s left without it. It's not your duty to catch them as they fall, but your actions say otherwise and that's the cost you didn't owe, but you keep on paying it anyway.
Final Thought—You're more than what you're capable of and you deserve better
Dependability is a choice and it is fulfilling. It feels honorable. It builds trust, creates connections, and changes lives. Sometimes, theirs become lighter while yours become heavier. You're more than what you provide and that's something they should know.
If being dependable means being drained or if it means being overlooked, overburdened, overused over and over then maybe it’s time to take some of that reliability and give it back to yourself. You deserve it more than they do.
It's okay to:
- Say no.
- Rest without guilt.
- Show up late without feeling in a hurry.
- Let others carry the load for once.
You’re not less valuable when you stop providing. You're not slacking when you didn't exceed your previous achievements. Most importantly, you’re not selfish for wanting to feel seen without having to earn it because you’re still enough even when you’re not being everything for everyone.